Thursday, January 31, 2013
Approaching from a Girl's Perspective
This is one of the most insightful and useful videos (or material is general) that I have seen in a long time. Hayley Quinn expertly breaks down so many aspects of the approach in this audio while also giving you the girl's point of view.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Going Direct
So after a lot of infield trying to learn how to effectively approach, I finally gave myself some insight into why things were going rough for me.
I kept wondering and finally realized that my style is predominantly direct. I know there is a debate between whether direct or indirect is better. Supposedly, they are both great depending on the situation and what would be more effective for you at that specific time.
For myself, I like getting straight to the point fast. On the other hand, there are guys that are more chatty and social so it seems that indirect might be more effective for them in general.
The insight I have here is that you should use your strengths to your advantage. In the example of myself, I spent time trying to learn indirect which instead of direct which I am stronger in. So many sets that blew out were due to me trying to attempt indirect while coming off direct.
Think about your strengths and use them first. Then later, you can try to work on styles that may not be natural for you.
I kept wondering and finally realized that my style is predominantly direct. I know there is a debate between whether direct or indirect is better. Supposedly, they are both great depending on the situation and what would be more effective for you at that specific time.
For myself, I like getting straight to the point fast. On the other hand, there are guys that are more chatty and social so it seems that indirect might be more effective for them in general.
The insight I have here is that you should use your strengths to your advantage. In the example of myself, I spent time trying to learn indirect which instead of direct which I am stronger in. So many sets that blew out were due to me trying to attempt indirect while coming off direct.
Think about your strengths and use them first. Then later, you can try to work on styles that may not be natural for you.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Good Rule of Thumb when Stating Intent
This is something that I find pretty interesting and I used to try to hide my intent or my desire from a girl because what I had read from the community says you need to mask your intent so that you can retain your value in the girl's eyes.
What I believe is misinterpreted a lot is that hiding your intent initially is only a tactic used at the initial approach to open a set so that you can reach the social hook point. Actually, stating your intent and showing your intent is vital to keeping a girl. If you don't show intent, you will lose the girl.
However, I use my own rule of thumb when showing intent. Many guys have trouble with the idea of stating intent (Intent in the verbal form). Showing intent is tricky at first because it can be scary to think of yourself telling a girl that you like her and her rejecting you. However, if you do it correctly, it usually won't happen.
My rule of thumb is that I use statements of intent only for the purpose of turning on the switch in a girls minds so that she knows that I am interested in her.
On the other hand many guys state intent for their own purpose of venting their emotions of how they feel about the girl. This is something a child does to his mother. He will say mommy I love you. The child will repeat it a lot also. Children are inherently needy. You don't want to come across like this. When I state intent, it is not to vent my emotions of how I feel. I state intent because I want to comfort the girl and for her to know that she can move forward with me and that I am interested.
Bottom line is that statement of intent is a tool that lets down certain protection walls a girl has. Women are similar to men in some ways when it comes to getting nervous or unsure about a person they have just met. A lot of guys will sit around waiting for a girl to call or will wonder whether she likes him or not. Girls do the same thing. They get anxiety and will, most times, eject from the situation if they don't think you like them so that they can save face or feel better about themselves.
So main idea is that I state intent to show interest, intention, assertiveness, leadership, and masculinity. I have a good deal of calibration with stating intent and will even state intent right off the bat or I will tell a girl she is beautiful. However, if you are not calibrated yet, use the rule of thumb that I have. It helps a lot.
What I believe is misinterpreted a lot is that hiding your intent initially is only a tactic used at the initial approach to open a set so that you can reach the social hook point. Actually, stating your intent and showing your intent is vital to keeping a girl. If you don't show intent, you will lose the girl.
However, I use my own rule of thumb when showing intent. Many guys have trouble with the idea of stating intent (Intent in the verbal form). Showing intent is tricky at first because it can be scary to think of yourself telling a girl that you like her and her rejecting you. However, if you do it correctly, it usually won't happen.
My rule of thumb is that I use statements of intent only for the purpose of turning on the switch in a girls minds so that she knows that I am interested in her.
On the other hand many guys state intent for their own purpose of venting their emotions of how they feel about the girl. This is something a child does to his mother. He will say mommy I love you. The child will repeat it a lot also. Children are inherently needy. You don't want to come across like this. When I state intent, it is not to vent my emotions of how I feel. I state intent because I want to comfort the girl and for her to know that she can move forward with me and that I am interested.
Bottom line is that statement of intent is a tool that lets down certain protection walls a girl has. Women are similar to men in some ways when it comes to getting nervous or unsure about a person they have just met. A lot of guys will sit around waiting for a girl to call or will wonder whether she likes him or not. Girls do the same thing. They get anxiety and will, most times, eject from the situation if they don't think you like them so that they can save face or feel better about themselves.
So main idea is that I state intent to show interest, intention, assertiveness, leadership, and masculinity. I have a good deal of calibration with stating intent and will even state intent right off the bat or I will tell a girl she is beautiful. However, if you are not calibrated yet, use the rule of thumb that I have. It helps a lot.
Interesting Routine and Observations
I see myself as stronger in escalation than at approaching so some interesting things have happened due to that.
Something that emerged as a routine for me has been escalating on girls that are either in a two-set or alone. I let that goes as far as they let it go or I will give them a false time restraint just to let them know I could leave at any moment.
Then I ask some comfort questions like what do you like to do or where are you from. I'll stay in set and try to get more comfort whether the girl tries to make me leave or not. If she does try to make me leave, I won't take that as rejection since it could be due to all kinds of other factors. I number close and throw in some teases at that point. Then I do some future projection letting them know I am not just a player and am interested in meeting with them in the future.
Something else I think is interesting is if I meet a girl but don't do much physical escalation and then number close (but I will do verbal escalation.) The girl might call me that same night around closing time of the club. But if I miss that call from them then try to call back they don't answer. I have had this happen multiple times and am not sure what the girl is thinking when she calls me and why she wont respond if I try to call after missing the call. I'm guessing they want a one night stand then when I don't answer, they talk themselves out of it.
Something to think about...
Update:
After talking to Steve "El Topo" Mayeda. He gave me the answer to my second situation. When the girl calls me at the end of the night she is horny. But when I miss the call, she feels shameful and her pussy gets dry. Once a girl's pussy gets dry, it's game over.
Something that emerged as a routine for me has been escalating on girls that are either in a two-set or alone. I let that goes as far as they let it go or I will give them a false time restraint just to let them know I could leave at any moment.
Then I ask some comfort questions like what do you like to do or where are you from. I'll stay in set and try to get more comfort whether the girl tries to make me leave or not. If she does try to make me leave, I won't take that as rejection since it could be due to all kinds of other factors. I number close and throw in some teases at that point. Then I do some future projection letting them know I am not just a player and am interested in meeting with them in the future.
Something else I think is interesting is if I meet a girl but don't do much physical escalation and then number close (but I will do verbal escalation.) The girl might call me that same night around closing time of the club. But if I miss that call from them then try to call back they don't answer. I have had this happen multiple times and am not sure what the girl is thinking when she calls me and why she wont respond if I try to call after missing the call. I'm guessing they want a one night stand then when I don't answer, they talk themselves out of it.
Something to think about...
Update:
After talking to Steve "El Topo" Mayeda. He gave me the answer to my second situation. When the girl calls me at the end of the night she is horny. But when I miss the call, she feels shameful and her pussy gets dry. Once a girl's pussy gets dry, it's game over.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Falling into her Categories
An interesting idea. I was thinking about stereotypes, social conditioning, and screening. Women have all of these. When they first meet you, their mind is already filled with previous experiences of other men coming up and doing the same thing. Therefore, they already assume that you fall into the same category that 100's of other men that approached them have.
Or, let's say for example that a certain woman has had bad experiences with a certain race of men. If you are that race, then she might automatically disqualify you. This is an extreme example that probably doesn't happen much. The idea I'm getting across is that if you behave or fall into a category of men that she has generally had undesirable experiences with, she is putting up a wall right when you approach. It's a default wall that blocks out certain types of men. Or you filter yourself into a certain category in her mind.
Here's the applicable example. Let's say a woman has been approached by 500 needy guys out of the 1000 that have approached her in her life. Those 500 needy guys have generated a negative experience for her. So if you display the same or similar behaviors of those needy guys, you automatically raise her wall that she uses to block out the "needy" guys.
So right at the approach, you don't want any walls to come up. You do this by not having the behaviors of a needy guy. That means you come into the set with good posture, eye contact, you disqualify yourself as a potential suitor, you kino her confidently, you give off the right vibe, you clearly display your intention, etc.
The interesting point I want to get to is disqualifying yourself from the category you don't want to fall into. There are a ton of ways to do this and you can come up with your own. Let's say you want to disqualify yourself from the "needy" category. You can use a false time constraint. You could also show your intent to a girl then walk away and flirt from a distance. Basically, you are showing her that you don't fit into that category and that she can feel safe around you rather than putting up the wall that she uses to block all the needy guys.
Or, let's say for example that a certain woman has had bad experiences with a certain race of men. If you are that race, then she might automatically disqualify you. This is an extreme example that probably doesn't happen much. The idea I'm getting across is that if you behave or fall into a category of men that she has generally had undesirable experiences with, she is putting up a wall right when you approach. It's a default wall that blocks out certain types of men. Or you filter yourself into a certain category in her mind.
Here's the applicable example. Let's say a woman has been approached by 500 needy guys out of the 1000 that have approached her in her life. Those 500 needy guys have generated a negative experience for her. So if you display the same or similar behaviors of those needy guys, you automatically raise her wall that she uses to block out the "needy" guys.
So right at the approach, you don't want any walls to come up. You do this by not having the behaviors of a needy guy. That means you come into the set with good posture, eye contact, you disqualify yourself as a potential suitor, you kino her confidently, you give off the right vibe, you clearly display your intention, etc.
The interesting point I want to get to is disqualifying yourself from the category you don't want to fall into. There are a ton of ways to do this and you can come up with your own. Let's say you want to disqualify yourself from the "needy" category. You can use a false time constraint. You could also show your intent to a girl then walk away and flirt from a distance. Basically, you are showing her that you don't fit into that category and that she can feel safe around you rather than putting up the wall that she uses to block all the needy guys.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Your Focus and It's Outcome
Think about this...
When you go into an interaction with a girl, you have a focus.
Many times, your focus with be subconscious and will give you an outcome without you knowing it.
That means you may go into an interaction with a girl subconsciously want to be "liked". What will then happen is that your focus will dictate your outcome. You will do whatever is needed for the girl to "like" you and that will be your outcome. For example, you may focus on being nice and making sure that there is no tension so that the girl will like you. There is your outcome...which is her "liking" you and you not fucking her.
Consciously, you focus may be to get laid. However, in the interaction where you are trying to achieve your subconsious focus, it will indirectly sabotage what your conscious focus is.
Therefore, you need to be focused and aware of what your focus is during your approach. Make sure that your actions match what you really want to get out of the interaction. For example, I want sex. So I will touch, verbally escalate, and isolate a girl to get what I want. That is my focus and that gives me my goal.
Make sure that your focus is proper when you are interacting with a girl. Remember that your focus gives you your outcome.
BlueHaze
When you go into an interaction with a girl, you have a focus.
Many times, your focus with be subconscious and will give you an outcome without you knowing it.
That means you may go into an interaction with a girl subconsciously want to be "liked". What will then happen is that your focus will dictate your outcome. You will do whatever is needed for the girl to "like" you and that will be your outcome. For example, you may focus on being nice and making sure that there is no tension so that the girl will like you. There is your outcome...which is her "liking" you and you not fucking her.
Consciously, you focus may be to get laid. However, in the interaction where you are trying to achieve your subconsious focus, it will indirectly sabotage what your conscious focus is.
Therefore, you need to be focused and aware of what your focus is during your approach. Make sure that your actions match what you really want to get out of the interaction. For example, I want sex. So I will touch, verbally escalate, and isolate a girl to get what I want. That is my focus and that gives me my goal.
Make sure that your focus is proper when you are interacting with a girl. Remember that your focus gives you your outcome.
BlueHaze
Saturday, January 12, 2013
PUA Material is Misinterpreted
I was taking a look at the Mystery Method Handbook again today and the thought kept coming to my head...this is advanced material or at least intermediate. I remember the first time I attempted to read the book without any infield experience.
I came to the conclusion that beginners misinterpret PUA material because it is not written only for beginners. The Mystery Method is written with a mixture of beginner, intermediate, and advanced theories and concepts.
Actually, for beginners to read this material can be very damaging to them because they read it and then make their own interpretation of the material which is usually the literal interpretation. A real interpretation has to be done after a lot of experience.
A great example of what I am saying is the PUA community itself. Mystery's techniques have been taken for their literal written interpretation and a perversion of his ideas have become the standard practice for many guys. You can see that so many guys that do pickup become more fucked up or never understand what they are actually doing. They just imitate exactly what the technique is without understand of the core principal of where it originates.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Oxymoron? Escalation Requires Acknowledging Boundaries
When I first started to learn escalation, I didn't understand that boundaries should be acknowledged during escalation. It is something I would have never thought because, in my mind, escalation meant pushing forward through everything and getting what I wanted.
Some guys that don't understand the concept, might say that doing this is letting the woman have control or being a beta male that is not pushing forward to his desire. However, acknowledging a girl's boundaries allows you to escalate even more.
An example of acknowledging boundaries would be escalating on a girl in a bar, walking back to your friends, then returning if she starts to look at you. Or you could talk or flirt from a distance. You are giving the girl her personal space. Then you can go back to her and escalate more. The basic idea is to let off the gas a little bit and calibrate yourself. You want to keep a steady amount of tension but not to overwhelm the girl.
More examples of calibrated escalation:
Asking a girl "what she is doing later" rather than saying let's go home together, grabbing a girl and getting close to her then pushing her away, escalating then walking back to your friends suddenly, being somewhat aloof while also touching and whispering in her ear, having normal conversation while touching and closing distance, telling her she is beautiful right off the bat while also leaning in, telling her she is beautiful and you want to kiss her, spanking her and telling her she is bad.
Also, being straightforward about what you are doing by saying "I want to kiss you" or "You are beautiful" releases her tension because then she sees that you are being honest and don't have any ulterior motive that she may have to deal with later or worry about. If you show that you aren't hiding anything, she will feel more relaxed with you doing what you intend to do.
Some of these may not make sense in writing. All of this has to be experienced infield. What you are doing is creating two emotions at once. You are creating a sexual presence while also releasing awkward tension. You want to raise the sexual tension while lowering her level of commitment pressure. If she feels like you are demanding attention or demanding her to comply with what you are doing, then she may eject and avoid you completely. However, if you make it playful, give her space, or act aloof, you are telling her that there is no pressure for her to comply with anything. At the same time, you are raising the sexual tension which makes her turned on and her primal mind pushes her to want to continue the interaction.
So, for guys that are new to escalation, they may think that they have to keep pressuring the girl. They may also be afraid to lose the girl by walking away or acting aloof. However, the girl realizes that the guy does not know what he is doing or thinks of him as a horny aggressive drunk.
Here is what calibration and acknowleding boundaries tells a girl:
1. This guy is socially and sexually calibrated. He is experienced.
2. I can trust him if I go home with him. He won't force sex on me and he will respect my boundaries when we are alone.
3. He doesn/t expect me to put anything into this interaction. It's FREE fun. I don't have to give anything back.
4. This guy has self control and can control my sexual desires with almost no effort.
5. He is mysterious because he only gives me a little at a time. I want to know more.
Here is what you tell women when you don't acknowledge their boundaries:
1. This guy is an idiot. He must not get out much. And when he does, he can't control his desires.
2. If I take this guy home, he is going to force sex on me and I am going to feel uncomfortable with him.
3. I'm here at this bar to have fun and this guy is giving me the negative emotion of pressure.
4. He must have not had sex in a long time. He seems very desperate.
5. He is not socially or sexually calibrated. He must not interact with women or people in general much.
Many guys will call this theory "push-pull". However, they use this term with the negative connotation of CONTROLLING the girl. They want to give and take away to gain control. A seducer sees things from a different angle. The angle is that you are respecting the girl's boundaries and turning her on at the same time.
The main idea is that you show sexual and social awareness and this comforts a girl, allowing her to feel comfortable with you moving forward sexually with her. Once you do this, you can make out, have sex, etc. much more easily.
It is VERY IMPORTANT to keep in mind the idea of sexual tension and commitment tension are separate. You want to MAINTAIN and increase sexual tension while decreasing commitment tension. If there is not tension at all in your interaction, then you aren't escalating. Even though this article is mainly about respecting boundaries, you have to make sure that you are keeping your interaction sexually charged. If your conversation feels very comfortable, then escalation isn't happening. You should always be pushing forward while also just letting the girl know that you know about her boundaries along the way.
For guys that are new to escalation, it is important to learn all your techniques first. You can try to learn and apply the boundaries theory if you can at the same time. Or you can just work on techniques without worrying about getting blown out. I found the boundaries theory to be intermediate level knowledge, but I'm sure some guys can pull it off as beginners.
Talk to you soon,
BlueHaze
Some guys that don't understand the concept, might say that doing this is letting the woman have control or being a beta male that is not pushing forward to his desire. However, acknowledging a girl's boundaries allows you to escalate even more.
An example of acknowledging boundaries would be escalating on a girl in a bar, walking back to your friends, then returning if she starts to look at you. Or you could talk or flirt from a distance. You are giving the girl her personal space. Then you can go back to her and escalate more. The basic idea is to let off the gas a little bit and calibrate yourself. You want to keep a steady amount of tension but not to overwhelm the girl.
More examples of calibrated escalation:
Asking a girl "what she is doing later" rather than saying let's go home together, grabbing a girl and getting close to her then pushing her away, escalating then walking back to your friends suddenly, being somewhat aloof while also touching and whispering in her ear, having normal conversation while touching and closing distance, telling her she is beautiful right off the bat while also leaning in, telling her she is beautiful and you want to kiss her, spanking her and telling her she is bad.
Also, being straightforward about what you are doing by saying "I want to kiss you" or "You are beautiful" releases her tension because then she sees that you are being honest and don't have any ulterior motive that she may have to deal with later or worry about. If you show that you aren't hiding anything, she will feel more relaxed with you doing what you intend to do.
Some of these may not make sense in writing. All of this has to be experienced infield. What you are doing is creating two emotions at once. You are creating a sexual presence while also releasing awkward tension. You want to raise the sexual tension while lowering her level of commitment pressure. If she feels like you are demanding attention or demanding her to comply with what you are doing, then she may eject and avoid you completely. However, if you make it playful, give her space, or act aloof, you are telling her that there is no pressure for her to comply with anything. At the same time, you are raising the sexual tension which makes her turned on and her primal mind pushes her to want to continue the interaction.
So, for guys that are new to escalation, they may think that they have to keep pressuring the girl. They may also be afraid to lose the girl by walking away or acting aloof. However, the girl realizes that the guy does not know what he is doing or thinks of him as a horny aggressive drunk.
Here is what calibration and acknowleding boundaries tells a girl:
1. This guy is socially and sexually calibrated. He is experienced.
2. I can trust him if I go home with him. He won't force sex on me and he will respect my boundaries when we are alone.
3. He doesn/t expect me to put anything into this interaction. It's FREE fun. I don't have to give anything back.
4. This guy has self control and can control my sexual desires with almost no effort.
5. He is mysterious because he only gives me a little at a time. I want to know more.
Here is what you tell women when you don't acknowledge their boundaries:
1. This guy is an idiot. He must not get out much. And when he does, he can't control his desires.
2. If I take this guy home, he is going to force sex on me and I am going to feel uncomfortable with him.
3. I'm here at this bar to have fun and this guy is giving me the negative emotion of pressure.
4. He must have not had sex in a long time. He seems very desperate.
5. He is not socially or sexually calibrated. He must not interact with women or people in general much.
Many guys will call this theory "push-pull". However, they use this term with the negative connotation of CONTROLLING the girl. They want to give and take away to gain control. A seducer sees things from a different angle. The angle is that you are respecting the girl's boundaries and turning her on at the same time.
The main idea is that you show sexual and social awareness and this comforts a girl, allowing her to feel comfortable with you moving forward sexually with her. Once you do this, you can make out, have sex, etc. much more easily.
It is VERY IMPORTANT to keep in mind the idea of sexual tension and commitment tension are separate. You want to MAINTAIN and increase sexual tension while decreasing commitment tension. If there is not tension at all in your interaction, then you aren't escalating. Even though this article is mainly about respecting boundaries, you have to make sure that you are keeping your interaction sexually charged. If your conversation feels very comfortable, then escalation isn't happening. You should always be pushing forward while also just letting the girl know that you know about her boundaries along the way.
For guys that are new to escalation, it is important to learn all your techniques first. You can try to learn and apply the boundaries theory if you can at the same time. Or you can just work on techniques without worrying about getting blown out. I found the boundaries theory to be intermediate level knowledge, but I'm sure some guys can pull it off as beginners.
Talk to you soon,
BlueHaze
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